I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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