Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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