8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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