TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
