Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
