So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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