Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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