I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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