Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
