i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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