Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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