Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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