i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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