thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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