he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have aggressive nipples.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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