you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
