Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
