Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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