I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
