Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
