Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tequila makes me forget i have legs
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
