Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize