I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
