she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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