i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
