you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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