i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
