i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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