Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
