i just wanna soil my oats bro
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
