He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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