Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
