Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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