I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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