So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
