i think my tv is drunk
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
