just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
