just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
