you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
