put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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