I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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