Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
