the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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