I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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