The maid of honor just puked.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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