They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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