It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
