go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
