Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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