So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
