I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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