i permit you to call me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?