Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.