if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.