I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall