3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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