I swear she didn't look like that last week.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
