Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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