I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
