When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
