the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
