Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You left your phone here
Wait...
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