Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
