i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
