dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
