How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
