On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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